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“Separation Desolation – Chapter 03”
Warning: This chapter in particular gets very, very dark in spots. It may be disturbing to some readers. Please know that it was not done gratuitously. And please be aware that this story is plot driven and sex is not the central focus.
Note 1: The title pretty much describes the tone of this story. For those who are wondering – there is no way I could title the first story Book I without tipping my hand there would be a Book II.
Note 2: In another fairly radical departure from my norm, Book II has been written in the voices of Lissy and Kara. Kara’s parts are not written by me. It’s the first time I’ve done a story with a partner. The other writer (TOW) brought a ton of skill and passion to the effort. Book II is far better for the efforts of TOW. The identity of TOW will be revealed at the end of the story – but let me say it here. Thank you so much!!
It’s highly recommended you read Book I in its entirety. I hope you enjoy the chapter. ~ AVL ~
** December 14th **
I needed some grease, so I stopped at the little coffee shop near the train station after my late Saturday morning workout. Those of you with a dirty mind can just shut up. I’m not talking about bedroom adventures. I giggled again as I typed. Bacon, eggs, wheat toast and coffee was yummy. I’m sure you’re surprised I led with bacon.
I had a little bit of a lurch in my tummy when I saw a car in the driveway. I quickly realized it wasn’t Kara – which sucked. And that’s not to say I wasn’t happy to see the girls.
I pulled into the garage, shut off the car, and was greeted by the excited voices of two gorgeous girls, who giggled and talked over each other.
I kissed and hugged them, an arm around each of them.
“So other than we’re irresistibly gorgeous and vivacious, why did you want us to come spend time with you, Mumsy?” A fine how-do-you-do!! I decided to lead with the big news.
“Kara called last night.” That little gem set off a firestorm of chatter.
“Okay, okay… it wasn’t very much and I’m not sure it lasted 5 minutes. She really didn’t share too much.”
“But she’s okay? You had to be happy to hear from her, right?” I nodded.
“In the darkest moments I was concerned she may have died. I may not know where she is or exactly how she’s doing, but at least I heard her voice and she heard mine.”
“I can’t believe you didn’t go find her and spend the weekend with her.”
June shook her head and said, “Doing what exactly, Rach? After not hearing from Kara for 3½ weeks… months, sorry, they aren’t going to just fall into bed together the first night.” Isn’t she something!!
We had moved inside; it was December after all.
“Let me make coffee – then we can talk more about it all.”
“Don’t be silly Mom, you and Rach go sit. I’ll make coffee. Rach, take your Mom’s coat.”
She did, and threw it on the couch. I laughed. The little snot did it just to tease me.
“Come on you, sit. I want to hear all about it.” I kissed her and shook my head.
“Honey, there’s not much more to tell. I was serious when I said the call didn’t last much past 5 minutes if it went that long.” I guess I can add this. “I didn’t cry! That’s good, right?” June stuck her head out the door.
“That’s amazing, Mom. That must have been pretty tough to pull off.” I smiled.
“Yeah it was.” I shook my head. “I think I bombarded her with questions though, the poor thing. I managed six or seven in one burst. Now that I think about it I’m not sure she answered one of them.” I barely remember what they were for some reason.
“How did she sound, Mom?” Rach was smoothing my hair as she talked.
“Truthfully, she sounded a little shaky. She was very apologetic. She told me she knew she hurt me, that she wasn’t sure we could put things back together the way they were.” I shrugged. “That didn’t matter last night. There will come a time a decision has to be made about that and other things. Plus, I’m worried about her losing her job.” Son of a bitch.
“What’s that about? I thought she worked at a bank like you? What happened?” June had come out of the kitchen to ask.
Why did I let that slip out?
Because you love her, you ditzy blonde.
I’m not blonde, you idiot.
Your idiot; just remember that. Talk to the girls, blondie.
“I’m not sure of all the details, honey.” I don’t want to tell them about Shade till I know more. “I… Barb called the other night. She mentioned that Kara hadn’t been around the condo very much. Plus, when she called Kara at work she found out she wasn’t there any longer. That’s all I know.” That should do the trick.
“Well didn’t you ask her about it?” This is getting worse and worse. I shook my head.
“Nope, I wanted to keep the conversation on us just on us, at least for that call. I stayed away from all the other stuff I wanted to ask or talk about. It just didn’t feel like the right time.” canlı bahis şirketleri
I sipped at the coffee June brought me.
“Besides, I wasn’t sure exactly why she called. It was so out of the blue and it wasn’t more than a few minutes after Becky called to say hi.” The girls looked at each other. Huh? What’s up with that look?
“Did she and Elena have a nice Thanksgiving?” I shrugged.
“Honestly, she didn’t say and I didn’t think to ask. She asked if I’d given any thought to another date. I explained that I was still worried about Kara and didn’t think it would be fair to plan something. I also mentioned that your sister invited me to spend New Years with her, Ian, and the baby.”
“And I’m just hearing about this now because…?” I smiled.
“Because I love her more than I do you.”
Imagine the sight of her gorgeous face crumpling. Then imagine the sight of June falling off the chair as she howled. Then imagine the glare blondie gave her lover. And imagine me trying to hold my laughter in. Got all that?
“You better know I’m kidding.” She made storm clouds. I was so not impressed.
“I can’t tell you I hate you cuz you’re my Mom. But that was mean.”
June had picked herself up off the floor enough to kneel in front of my kid, bring her face down and give her a kiss.
“You are such an adorable idjit. I swear to god that must be why I love you like I do.” More storm clouds.
“You both suck.” We both laughed. “And you laugh at me! Wonderful. This is so good for my ego.” She looked at June with daggers in her eyes. “I’m taking back all the cool stuff I bought you for Christmas and am going to give you nothing but lumps of coal.” She stuck out her tongue.
What we needed was a television crew to capture the hilarity of real life! I mean really, right? And god help Rachel if Kara had been there!! She would have joined right in the merriment and teasing. Sigh.
“Really mature, Rach. And you expect me to move in with you full time with an attitude like that?” She said it, covered her mouth, and both of them looked at me. I smiled.
“Well good for you! This is wonderful news. I’m excited. I don’t have to be in on every little thing in your lives. When’s all this going to happen?” One looked at the other; the alpha spoke.
“January 1st … no, January 2nd.” The change was accompanied by a swat on the thigh from my youngest.
“Yeah, Mom; we found a place not far from where we are now. With June getting a full time paying gig and me doing what I do, we can afford our own apartment. Besides, the dorm needs the space for the incoming semester, so you’ll be off the hook for my share of the rent there.” Woo hoo, I’m getting a raise of sorts.
“Well regardless of the financial stuff, I’m so happy for both of you. This sounds like a very positive move.”
I got up, walked the full 18 inches, bent, and kissed them both.
Blondie asked, “So what are we going to do today?” You are such a pain in my ass, Rachel Marie Stone. And I love you.
“Well, since I didn’t know you were actually going to show up until I pulled onto our street, I have no idea whatsoever.”
“Would you like more coffee, Mom?” I laughed.
“Thanks, June, that would be great.”
Back she came with the pot and carefully filled my cup.
“Okay, so I’m going to finish this and take a bath. You’ve probably guessed that I was at the gym. You two figure out what you want to do and let me know when I’m finished and dressed.”
It was the middle of the afternoon when we strolled out of the movie. I asked the girls what they wanted to do.
“Well, we thought maybe we’d have dinner with you and then head back to the city. I hope you don’t mind, but it is Saturday and we’d kinda like to party.” Ah youth!
“And I couldn’t woo you with promises of Yahtzee and hot chocolate?” They both laughed. June stopped and pointed.
“Look! A Victoria’s Secret!” Each of them took my hand and we hurry walked toward the store.
“Did you watch the fashion show last Tuesday, Mom?” Rachel asked.
“Um, sure, Joey Heatherton was gorgeous.” The girls looked across me at each other.
“Who’s Joey Heatherton?” I laughed.
“That’s not her name? Probably not. I think Joey is a bit too old to do a VS fashion show.”
“Maybe you were thinking of Erin Heatherton. She’s tall, insanely thin, and totally cute. She still does a lot for them.”
I had no idea who this Erin woman is. But they know and that’s fine.
The store seemed to be moderately busy. The shopping center is something of a dud and doesn’t have a whole lot of stores that would a big draw. Well, in fairness, I think it was popular once, but it’s pretty old compared to a lot of the others in the north suburbs. If it wasn’t for the movie and the time of day, I’m not sure we would have stayed.
The youngsters were huddled, giggling, and shopping. I’d be doing the buying. I wandered, mostly looking, but taking a few things off the shelves and canlı kaçak iddaa racks for myself. I’m of an age and body type that I do NOT buy intimates without trying them on. These hips? My ass? Oh please! My girls are… I’m… never mind. I don’t want to go there right now.
I got goose bumps when I tried on the things I brought into my cubicle. It probably won’t surprise you who I thought about and why. I tried to stop the images of what she’d be doing. Kitty? You don’t even want to know!
I got out of there without spending $100, which I considered something of a success. I got storm clouds and pouts when I suggested that the purchases would be Christmas gifts.
“You already bought all our stuff, Mom. These aren’t Christmas presents. This was…” Rach giggled, “Collateral damage from going to the movie.” The collateral damage will be the color of your ass when I spank it. I shook my head.
“Well, I tried. A girl can’t be faulted for that, right?”
“What did you wind up buying, Mom?” June asked as we climbed in the car.
“Three panties and two bras.”
“And a partridge in a pear tree.” June and I groaned at Rachel’s cute little joke. “You two suck.”
June spun her honey up against a blue SUV and kissed her, her hips pressing to blondie’s. I was shocked! Wink.
Breathless when the kiss ended, Rachel said, gasping, “Well okay, maybe you don’t.” That kissing thing happened again.
“May I remind you two rambunctious youngsters that we’re in public in a parking lot in a shopping center?”
They responded by taking each others coats off and pawing at those mounds on their chests, whatever they’re called. Oh yeah – breasticles. La la la!
I grabbed their coats and headed to my car.
“You two get a room somewhere. I’m going home.” Squeals of protest followed as they hustled after me.
“It’s cold, Mom, and we were only kidding.”
“I know; I had to do something to knock some sense into the two of you.”
“Fine! Trust us, we will remember this when Kara comes home after you two patch this mess up.” June got right up in my grill, waved her finger in my face, and said, “You two are going to be making all kinds of kissy face or some other shenanigans. We will find a way to repay you for your extremely hostile action today.”
Yeah, I was scared. Eyeroll.
I turned, opened the car door, and got in. The other two followed. It’s a good thing, cuz I had put the car in gear and was rolling away from them both as they put their coats on. I heard their curses through the closed windows.
“This isn’t funny, Mom. Open the door and let us in the car.” I smiled sweetly at my last born.
“I’m telling Jenna and Andi.” I laughed.
Oh shit! I have to make my plane reservations for my trip to Minnesota. Christ on a cracker.
I unlocked the doors and let the foul mouthed twosome into the car.
“Lucky for the two of you I have to hurry home and make reservations to go see my cute granddaughter.”
“How come I’m not going with?” She really is a snot.
“Oh good, you’d go with and leave me without a date on New Years Eve. Um, I assume that’s when you’re going, Mom.”
One 20-something brat made pouty face, looked at her other and said, “You wouldn’t schnookums.” I stifled a laugh.
“Of course I wouldn’t Juney wooney.” Anyone have a shovel? It’s gettin’ deep here!
“I need to find a no tell motel for two of you.”
“Mom, just take us home. We won’t tell. We’re of age and everything.” Dammit when one of my own busts me like that!!
I did. In silence, save for the two in the back seat doing whatever.
I closed the garage door after turning off the engine and got out of the car. I swear I’ll be damned if I’d look in the window at the two of them. And I’d be lying through my teeth if I wasn’t jealous, especially after… well, you know.
I headed upstairs with one thing in mind. I locked the bedroom door, stripped off my clothes, found a couple of things in my toy… our toy box… and crawled on to… um, the bed.
Do I need to mention how desperately I need a teeth rattler? I mean, really!! Can you feel me?
The clamps were on my nipples, the scarves held my ankles to the bedpost, and the wonderful bitch of a rabbit fucked me and Miss P. We all howled our pleasure and our thanks. The wide screen theater of my mind showed my blondie in charge of everything; my tear ducts let me know they approved the message.
My screams of pleasure when I came may have alerted my child and her honey, but if a Mother can’t lead by example what is there in this life to do.
I cried buckets of pleasure and frustration. I was thankful that my body responded this time. Don’t be silly, Lissy. It was only a dream; don’t assign too much importance to it. My body screamed that it wanted more. My soul cried for my honey.
So many things aren’t the same. No, we didn’t live together full time, but as the weeks went on we spent more and more time in each other’s homes. canlı kaçak bahis You spend maybe 25 of 30 days together and you get used to certain things. 3½ months had gone by and the ache was as strong as it was the week after. The anger had dulled, replaced, for the most part, by concern. That was especially true after the out-of-left-field and all-too-short phone call.
I shook my head. I had unhooked my legs and was on my side hugging a pillow. Oh for god’s sake, Lissy, you have to get your ass out of bed and make an airline reservation.
You know damn well if Kara was there you might not get out of that bed till Monday.
I shook my head. You really must be me if that’s your thought.
You know I am. Command central is buzzing about that orgasm. I think the prevailing sentiment is it’s been too long.
It’s hard to muster up much enthusiasm for sex, even if it’s me doin’ the mustering, when Kara’s not here.
I know, honey. You have to trust that she’s taking care of herself and that when you’re together things will work out.
You heard what she said!! I started to cry. She’s not sure we’ll be able to patch things up. It scares me.
You have airline reservations to make. Quit whining and go take care of business.
Still love me?
No response. Great!
I sighed, shook my head, and got out of bed. After a quick stop at the toilet I washed my hands, put on my robe, and headed downstairs.
The TV was on in the great room, the girls were prone, doing what lovers do. Sleeping. I smiled.
I made the reservations; I was rather surprised I could use my miles on so many flights that time of year. Whatever; I was hardly disappointed. I only had to concern myself with the weather on each leg of the trip.
I turned around to find two girls wide awake and looking at me with guilty looks on their faces. I smiled.
“So the nap was after?” Blushing ensued.
“Where are we going for dinner, Mom?” I didn’t know and didn’t care. Kitty was beating a drum for more of what went on earlier – which I’m sure is a huge surprise.
“I’d say Chucky Cheese but you’d both kill me.” They looked at each other.
“Actually, pizza sounds really good. Would you mind buying one big enough for us to take some home?” I smiled.
“Of course not!! Rach, any place special you want to go?”
That’s how we wound up at Barnaby’s. The pizza was outstanding, the beer was crappy, and the wood tables were scarred from decades of kids of all ages carving their initials and more in them.
“Mom, how long has this place been open?” I shook my head.
“I have absolutely no idea honey. All I know is it’s been here for as long as I can remember.” I took another piece off the tray, held it in the air, and said, “And it’s damn good pizza.”
Dinner was great, the company was great, and I would be sad when the dynamic duo left for a fun Saturday night.
Which they did.
“Are you sure you’re gonna be okay, Mom?” I nodded.
“You and June have a wonderful weekend together, whatever the plans are.” I smiled. “Christmas is nearly upon us and your brother, Andi, the baby and the two of you will be here. It’s all good.” I kissed her and smiled. “I made my reservations, so that’s taken care of.”
Goodbyes were said and I waved from the garage door.
I know I’ve been writing for quite some time now, so I’m assuming you have a pretty good idea of who I am and what I’m about. Can I tell you that, while I miss Kara, there’s a part of me that enjoys being alone? I pretty much went from my parent’s home, to college, to being married, to being with Kara sort of full time. Am I making any sense? Now, in my mid 50’s, I’m experiencing all that there is to being ‘single,’ with children. It’s really confusing.
I want her here with me. And then there are those moments I wonder which ‘her’ I want. THAT is the biggie, right? I thought I had her pegged; knew everything there was to know about my Kara. And she laid me low, blindsided me big time. And knocked my world as completely off it’s axis as a human could.
And I miss her – terribly.
You would too, wouldn’t you?
No really! In some ways, this is a journal of my thoughts and actions. You’re getting a real life look at a middle aged woman’s life with all of its glories and all its heartaches. And let’s just ignore the stupid and the failures, shall we?
My mind was whirring. I knew what I wanted to do but I had no clue where Kara was or how to reach her. Um!
I held my breath as the phone rang.
It went to voice mail. I sighed.
“Lover… I… I don’t know what to say exactly.” Come on brain! Help me out here! “I was so surprised you called yesterday. We hardly talked at all.” I felt tears rush up and smiled, hoping that might stifle them. “Please call me again, okay?” I nodded as if she would answer as I asked. “I love you, Kara. No matter what’s gone on or is going on – please remember that!” Tears I had tried to hold back stormed the gates. “I better go.” I wanted to say more but… shrug.
It was way too early to go to bed. And I wasn’t sure if I would sleep – not just now but later.
Janet, can a girl count on a girl to keep her entertained when there doesn’t seem to be much else that can?
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